At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
