Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
