As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
