dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
