If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
