It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
