just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
