Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
NoShamevember. You game?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
