YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
