Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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