why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
