id be glad to
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize