If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
