Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
pray to the hookup gods
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
