Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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