the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
