Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you will always have a special place in my vag
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
