He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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