My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
