Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
