Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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