It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
