why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
