somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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