I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
