She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
