anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
