So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
