i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
