last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
