my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
high people should be assigned attendants
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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