i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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