I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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