a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
