Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
