You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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