I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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