Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
