i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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