omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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