i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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