New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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