Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
