i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
