she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
