I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
