Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
