so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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