Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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