i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
