Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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